Pleasing God Podcast
Pleasing God Podcast
Navigating Disappointment: Building Stronger Faith and Relationships
Can disappointment actually deepen your faith and improve your relationships? Join us in this enlightening episode of the Pleasing God podcast as we promise to equip you with a biblical framework for managing disappointment. We'll uncover how understanding the fallibility of humans, as first introduced in Genesis 3, can help set realistic expectations and prevent the pitfall of placing people on a pedestal. Especially in intimate relationships like marriage, learn how to articulate your expectations to foster healthier connections and glorify God amidst inevitable disappointments.
Guided by Paul's teachings in Ephesians, we'll explore how to respond to disappointment without letting it lead you into sin. Discover practical steps on transforming your disappointment into prayer, compassion, and a Christ-like attitude, and the critical role of forgiveness modeled after God's own forgiveness. We'll share personal stories about how even children can teach us pure forgiveness and the art of reconciliation. Finally, we’ll encourage you to remain faithful and true to God's Word, looking to Jesus as the ultimate role model, and reminding ourselves of His promise of a future without disappointments. Let’s finish our spiritual race well, inspired by those who have gone before us and received the crown of life.
Stock Music provided by wolfgangwoehrle, from Pond5
Hi and welcome back to the Pleasing God podcast, a podcast focused on helping Christians to think biblically, engage practically and live faithfully for the glory of God. I'm your host, jonathan Soul, and on this episode I want to talk on the subject of disappointment, dealing with disappointment. If you've spent any time on this earth which I know you have, this is a reality in your life you will be disappointed. You will be disappointed by others. You might and I'm sure it's true as it is of me you might cause disappointment in others as well. Some of it is avoidable, some of it is inevitable. Disappointment comes with the territory of being human in this existence that we live in today. So the question that I have is how do we deal with disappointment? How do we handle and work through our own disappointments in a way that's biblical, a way that's practical and, ultimately, a way that glorifies God? The first thing I want to remind you of when we think about dealing with disappointment is that we need to know and remember where we are. We are living in a sin-cursed world, we are living under the curse and it is alive and well in our world today. So first things we need to do when dealing with disappointment is recognize that we live in a fallen world. This came about in Genesis, chapter 3, when Adam and Eve ate the fruit tempted by the serpent and humanity fell. The human race fell into a state of sin and misery. In fact, all of creation was cursed through this one act of disobedience, this major act of sin and disappointment. And so everything in our world today is affected through the curse, through sin in this world, and we must recognize this first and foremost. We are not in heaven yet, but a day is coming when the new heavens and the new earth will come. Jesus will return and renew all things and he will get rid of disappointment once and for all, but not today. So our existence in a sin-cursed world gives way to disappointment. That's a reality that we must face. You will not get through this life without disappointing and being disappointed. It is impossible. So that's the first thing that we must recognize Sin-cursed, fallen world and kind of going off of that. We need to recognize not just the world but we ourselves.
Speaker 1:Everyone is a sinner, whether you've been saved or not. We all have the sinful nature within us and everyone can do that which is evil. The Bible says there's none righteous, no, not one For all, have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And even when we are saved and our lives are changed the heart of stone replaced with the heart of flesh, we start walking in the glory of God. And even when we are saved and our lives are changed, the heart of stone replaced with the heart of flesh, we start walking in the ways of God and living a life of enabled life, of an obedience to him. That does not wipe us away from the battle of sin. No, this actually kind of opens the door for greater levels of disappointment, because we start to expect more, and rightfully so.
Speaker 1:But I think it's important to remember everyone is a sinner, and so when we're dealing with disappointment whether it be towards a spouse or maybe towards parents or a pastor or religious leader or someone we admire or look up to, and they say or do something that seems to let us down and we feel disappointed by that action or attitude, whatever it might be we need to remember that those people are sinners. Now, that doesn't give an excuse for actions and attitudes, but keep that in mind when disappointment comes. We do not want to ever elevate someone to Jesus status, and what I mean by that is be careful of putting people on certain pedestals. Now, this happens a lot in religious communities, whether it be the man that's at the center of the church, the pastor, the charismatic speaker, that dynamic personality. There's plenty of stories of failures and fallings and disappointments that have occurred there, whether it be as a child looking up to your parents and you just think that they're the greatest thing in the world, come to find out later in life they're sinners too. There's a danger in which we can elevate men and women to a status that they don't belong in, and so remember everybody is a sinner and everybody can and will sin in some form or fashion. So recognize we live in a fallen world. Recognize that everyone is a sinner.
Speaker 1:And thirdly, be realistic in expectations. Sometimes our disappointment is our own fault. Sometimes we have placed unrealistic or unvocalized expectations on another. I know I did a podcast a while back with Caitlin on Imperfect Marriage and talking about just managing expectations. Early on in the marriage there was a lot of room for disappointment because there were some ideals going in and thinking, hey, this is what it's supposed to be like. And it didn't seem to be exactly like that and I think it went both ways and there was unrealistic expectations placed on another and they weren't sometimes even vocalized and they were leading to internal disappointments because those expectations weren't being met and it's not necessarily the other person's fault.
Speaker 1:So what we need to do when we are dealing with disappointment is to be realistic in expectations. We should not expect something of someone else that they aren't necessarily aware of, or we should be vocal in those expectations. It will help prevent us from further disappointment, further discouragement, and would produce a more healthy lifestyle and, ultimately, healthier relationships. So recognize we live in a fallen world, remember everyone's a sinner and be realistic in expectations. Now, that's not saying have low expectations of everybody, no, because then you're kind of walking around thinking like everyone's going to fail all the time, I'm going to guard myself from everyone, I won't expect anything out of anybody, and that will just lead to a cynical attitude, lack of trust, questioning everything, believing nothing, and you're just going to actually yourself be a living disappointment. You don't want to do that. So realistic and expectations not too high, not too low, and helping to manage those and evaluating those, because our thoughts and expectations are fluid and not necessarily stagnant. So keep those three things in mind as an understanding, as kind of a framework or foundation for dealing with disappointment. And even in light of those three fallen world everyone's a sinner realistic expectations we're still going to be disappointed and those three aren't excuses for disappointment.
Speaker 1:So as that's kind of our worldview, our kind of our backdrop, our framework, so as that's kind of our worldview, our kind of our backdrop, our framework, how do we engage biblically then, with disappointment? How do we think biblically, what's practical ways in which the Bible can help us with this reality? Because since the beginning of human existence, thousands and thousands of years ago, in every generation there's been disappointment. So the Bible must speak on this in some form or fashion, you would think, and it does, through many, many commands and many stories, talking about major disappointment, overcoming this. And I just want to think of maybe four or five practical ways in which the Bible tells us how we can and what we can do and implement in our lives that would help us as we deal with and go through seasons and times of disappointment in our lives.
Speaker 1:The first thing that I think of is being quick to pray. The Apostle Paul tells us to pray without ceasing, and I want to specifically focus in on not just general disappointment. But when someone that you love, someone that you care about, someone that's close to you, someone that you admire, somebody that you think is a role model, disappoints, how do you respond in your heart and in your actions to that person? In your heart and in your actions to that person? And the first thing I would say is be quick to pray. A disappointed heart and a grieving heart produces some of the greatest prayers. Just take a jet tour through the Psalms and see the emotion of the psalmist expressing himself in prayer, times of disappointment, times of grieving. And so be quick to pray.
Speaker 1:One of the elders at my church asks the question. Often he says do you know where the best place for you to be is? Well, no, where he says in someone's prayers, it is the best place to be is in someone's prayers. And so, when dealing with disappointment, be quick to pray. Pray for the person, pray for the situation. Specifically, if your heart's disappointed, if you're grieving, cry out to the Lord Prayers of intercession.
Speaker 1:The second thing that I can think of do not conceal your disappointment. Some people will never vocalize when they feel disappointed and it's just internalized. That's not healthy, that's not good. Now it doesn't mean you need to every little thing that I mean let's get back to realistic expectations. But you have realistic expectations that say you know you do remember everyone's a sinner. You recognize that we live in a fallen world and disappointment comes your way, not that you were looking for it, no, someone did something to you and it has led to your disappointment. Do not conceal it. We were not made to internalize all of our emotions. God created us as emotive beings to express emotion.
Speaker 1:Some counsel that I've given some people that find it hard to express emotions Think about a soda bottle, maybe a two liter soda bottle and as we continually suppress and internalize our emotions, our feelings, our disappointments, it's like shaking up that soda bottle that's full of soda. And you know what happens the more you shake it, the harder the outside of the bottle gets and the more walls that we will build as we continue to internalize emotions and disappointment. And it's a self-defense mechanism because internally we're hurt but we're not wanting to show that. So we get really hard, like the soda bottle, and it comes to a point where the more you shake it up when it's time to open that cap to release some of that emotion. You can't just do it in a little bit, and as the cap opens, what's inside begins to fizz up and explode out of the top.
Speaker 1:And what happens a lot of times and I've seen it through much pastoral counsel is that people that internalize disappointments, emotions and they deal with that without expressing it somehow some way, they're like an exploding soda bottle and everything comes out and it's a mess. We're not made to operate that way, and so we need to have those kind of pressure relief valves, so to speak, and we need to do this by first bringing our disappointments before the Lord and not in a silent, meditative prayer. Okay, I would. If this is something you struggle with internalizing all of these things I would encourage you to pray privately, but out loud, audibly, and speak your emotional difficulties, speak your disappointments vocally to God. It's not the difference that God only hears you if you speak or don't speak, but it makes a difference to you by you having to take words and articulate it. It is helpful, it is a process of healing and overcoming and dealing with disappointment.
Speaker 1:So audible, private prayers to the Lord, expressing your disappointment in this situation, in this person, whatever it might be, and let it be known to God. And this way you're casting your burdens on him because he cares for you. This is what 1 Peter tells us, but not just that, and this is where I want to be careful. But if you are dealing with disappointment, you're concealing disappointment. I want to be careful, but if you are dealing with disappointment, you're concealing disappointment.
Speaker 1:Share with someone close to you, have that confidant, or maybe it's your accountability partner or someone that you know you can trust and that you can be completely you with and you can share your feelings. It might be spouse to spouse, but maybe, if your spouse is that disappointment, you might need to talk with someone else. That's fine as well. It's not gossiping, it's caring and needing that brother or sister to come alongside you and help you in the process of dealing with disappointment. Not only are we not to internalize our emotions, we are also not created to be alone. God saw that Adam was on the earth, adam had perfect fellowship with God, and still God said it is not good for man to be alone. And so it's not just your one-on-one relationship with Jesus, it's also the relationships with others. It is important that we can deal with disappointment in community, together with brothers and sisters.
Speaker 1:So again, audible prayers to the Lord, share with someone close to you, someone that you trust, that you know isn't going to go turn this thing around, but just can help you think through some of your own disappointments and ultimately, as Christians, what we're supposed to do. If there is an offense, if there is disappointment from a brother or sister that is directed towards us, we go to that person. We go to that person after we've gone through the pressure relief valve, after we've spoken our disappointments audibly to the Lord, after we have confided in someone and been able to process. Then we need to talk to that person and say, hey, this is what's happened and this is where I'm left and you know it may or may not be a sin issue, but it still left you feeling a certain way. Talk to the person. That's probably the hardest of the three steps, but do that and help you deal with and understand and process and work through disappointments, ultimately to resolution. I know that was a long one not to conceal your disappointment. I'm going to give you a couple more.
Speaker 1:Do not let disappointment in others become sin in you. I'm reminded of what Paul says in Ephesians, chapter 4. Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil. Now Paul's talking about anger, but I think it's safe to say you know, be disappointed and do not sin. Do not allow your disappointment in a person, in a person, in an action, an attitude, an event lead you to sin.
Speaker 1:Disappointment should not be the channel to gossip. Disappointment should not be the avenue to despair. Disappointment should not lead to bitterness, betrayal, malice, hate, envy, strife. Disappointment should lead us to prayer, should lead us to compassionate hearts and a desire to treat others like Jesus. Don't allow your sadness, your disappointment, to cause you to sin. Do not kill that person that disappointed you in your mind. Do not let a root of bitterness sprout up within you.
Speaker 1:Later on, in Ephesians, chapter 4, paul says let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in. Let that sink in. That's verse 32 of Ephesians, chapter 4. And that's the fourth thing I want to give Forgive, as you have been forgiven and recognize there will be times in your life that you disappoint others. You're only human Now. That's not an excuse and we should always be on guard to seek to do well and do good to all people. But the Christian ethic those that are following Jesus are commanded to forgive one another, as God and Christ forgave you. To withhold forgiveness is to live anti-gospel. To be a Christian who does not forgive is essentially claiming Christ, but denying the power is essentially claiming Christ, but denying the power God has given you in Christ the ability and the heart to forgive. Christians are to be the most forgiving people in the entire world.
Speaker 1:I think about small children. I've learned so much from little children, and one thing as being a dad of five soon to be seven is that children are the most forgiving people I've ever met in my life. So much so that I, you know, maybe I've gotten frustrated or I've spoke out in a way that I shouldn't have to them. Over some minor thing, I made a big deal because either I was having a bad day or I was not thinking right. I was wrong. And I've gone to them and say, listen, I should not have expressed myself in this way. I need to repent and ask your forgiveness. And they try to justify my actions. Oh no, dad, you know, we should have done that. I said no, I was wrong and I need your forgiveness. And they never once. They never once hesitate. In fact, when they say I forgive you, dad, they have immediately buried the hatchet. It doesn't exist anymore. They've never brought up anything that I've ever repented to them of. They've never brought it up to me a second time. They've let it go. They understand what forgiveness is. Then they put on their baseball mitts and say let's go outside and play. They want to have fellowship again.
Speaker 1:Dealing with disappointment forgive, as you've been forgiven in your heart and in your actions. And finally, and this kind of circle, back to realistic expectations. But when dealing with disappointment, make sure that that you idolize Jesus. If anybody is going to be at the top of your pecking order, the highest of people that you admire, that you're a role model that you look up to, that you have the greatest expectations of you, make sure that that is Jesus and not fallen people. The greatest of men can let you down. Nobody on this side of heaven is incapable of sinning, is incapable of producing disappointment in you and in others. Keep that in mind.
Speaker 1:Advice I heard a long time ago, as I was wrestling with the call to ministry and beginning to pursue what the Lord was leading me to into pastoral ministry. I was listening to a sermon, living in my parents' basement, young 20s, and John Piper was preaching a sermon and he was talking about his father and how much he loves his dad and how much he cared for his dad. And in his very he got to his kind of an emotional state and he said but my dad is not my hero. That kind of took me back for a second and he went on to explain and he says no heroes until they die. And I just want to stand in that line and say to all of you who are listening do not make anybody your hero until they die. You can have people you look up to, you can have people that you admire, you can have people that you seek to emulate in your life, just as Paul says you don't follow me as I follow Christ. But no heroes until they're dead. And the reason why is because when they die, you know how they finish.
Speaker 1:And all of us who desire to live a godly life, to follow Jesus, the one, I believe, common trait of all of us is that we desire to finish well, but we don't know how people are going to finish, and there are plenty of stories of people that ran a good race. There are plenty of stories of people that ran a good race but did not finish well, and in the last leg of the race they faltered, they fell, they disappointed many, and it has forever tarnished and left a mark on their legacy. Make sure your heroes are dead. Make sure they have fought the good fight, they have finished the race and that they have received the crown of life. There are many people that are on my list of heroes, but I'm just waiting for them to die. See, that's a life worth living. That's a life that not only lived well and ran well, but finished well. That's how I want to go out too.
Speaker 1:Keep that in mind as you wrestle with disappointment in people and know people will disappoint, but ultimately, remember this Jesus never fails, jesus never disappoints, Jesus exceeds the greatest of our expectations, and when we see him on the other side, he will be more lovely, more beautiful, more delightful than we ever imagined, and so we look forward to that day, and we look forward to beholding Him in a place where there is no more disappointments. But until then, let us learn to handle disappointments well, in a godly way that exalts Jesus and is faithful and true to God's Word. I want to thank you for listening to the Pleasing God podcast. If you have any questions, I would love to hear from you. You could reach out at questions at pleasinggodpodcastorg. And remember 1 Thessalonians 4.3,. This is the will of God, your sanctification.
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