Pleasing God Podcast
Pleasing God Podcast
Loving as Jesus Did: Transforming Relationships Through Grace and Compassion
Are you ready to transform your relationships with those who test your patience? Join me, Jonathan Sole, on the Pleasing God podcast as we explore the art of loving difficult people. Discover how the profound examples of God's steadfast love for us, despite our flaws, can guide us in extending grace and compassion to the challenging individuals in our lives. Reflect on biblical truths from Colossians, Romans, and Ephesians, which call us to embrace love as a committed, intentional practice rather than just a fleeting feeling. Whether it's navigating the complexities of family dynamics, workplace tensions, or even online interactions, this episode promises to equip you with practical wisdom to foster positive, harmonious relationships.
We'll draw inspiration from literature like To Kill a Mockingbird and delve into the transformative power of empathy, forgiveness, and truth. As we unravel the essence of love, free from envy and arrogance, you'll see how embracing love as an act of worship and obedience to God can become a path to personal and spiritual growth. Let's journey together, seeking strength and guidance in prayer, to love others as Jesus did, and to experience the profound impact that genuine love can have on our lives and the lives of those around us.
Stock Music provided by wolfgangwoehrle, from Pond5
Hi and welcome back to the Pleasing God podcast, a show focused on helping Christians to think biblically, engage practically and live faithfully for the glory of God.
Speaker 1:I'm your host, jonathan Soule, and on this episode I want to talk about loving difficult people. I'm sure this is a challenge that all of us have faced in this life. We come across people that either rub us the wrong way, we don't seem to have a connection with they're not bad people I mean, sometimes they can be but just people that are slightly different than you and that can prove to be difficult, and so I want to just kind of talk through why loving difficult people is a biblical command and then look at some practical ways in which we can show grace to difficult people and how to speak the truth in love and with love. And the reality, like I said, is that we all encounter difficult people, whether they be family members, co-workers, church members, online interactions and so we need to think carefully, we need to think biblically about how do we approach these situations, how do we approach these relationships and these people, and what we want to try to do is we want to be balancing grace and truth in these relationships, and we understand that Jesus calls us not just to love the easy people, but everyone, and so here's why loving difficult people is a biblical command, and I want you to think first and foremost about God's love for us, god's love for us as the standard. In Romans, chapter 5, verse 8, we read that while we were still sinners, christ died for us. God chose to love difficult people, sinners, rebels to his will, and he demonstrated the ultimate sign of love by sending the Lord, jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins, to forgive us and to give us a place with him for all eternity. God showed love for us and patience towards us while we were still sinners, and so when we think about love, loving difficult people as a biblical command, god is the standard and demonstrates that he loves difficult people.
Speaker 1:Think about the Old Testament reading through, and God's unfailing love for Israel, and it doesn't take long. You can't even get through the first five books of the Bible before you realize, hey, this is a difficult people. It'd be interesting to look how many times throughout the Old Testament they're referred to as a stiff-necked people, difficult, resisting the Lord. No, he has shown them great patience and love, and so we see that God's love for us is the standard and this is what flows for us to show love as a biblical command. But we also want to think about Jesus as we look at the life of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:In the Gospels we see Jesus' example of loving the unlovable. Think about how Jesus interacted with sinners the woman at the well. He was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard because of the people that he hung around with Difficult people, prostitutes, tax collectors, sinners, even those who betrayed him. As Jesus is on the cross and he is in the midst of his agony and suffering, he cries out Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. And you see Jesus's love for people, even the ones that did him wrong. It's humbling and I know it's convicting to my own life, to think about how Jesus would treat his enemies. Jesus would treat those that would do wrong to him. Jesus would treat difficult people with sacrificial love, with a care for them, not that he would gain anything from them, but because he loves them.
Speaker 1:Another reason why loving difficult people is a biblical command is that we are called to Simply put God's love for us, jesus' example of love, and then the call to love even when it's hard. The letter to the Colossians, in chapter 3, verse 12, reads put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other. As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive, and above all these put on love which binds everything together in perfect harmony. This is the call of the Christian to love one another, even if there's an offense, forgive. So we recognize here that biblical love is more than just a feeling, it's an action, it's a commitment. You set out to do this. You decide to love no matter how we feel, and we commit ourselves to do that because, again, god's love for us is the standard. Jesus gives us the example of loving the unlovable and we, as the people and followers of Jesus Christ, are called to love even when it's hard.
Speaker 1:Now, that doesn't mean it's easy and I'm not going to at all ever say it is and that doesn't mean that we will not fail. That doesn't mean we will not slip and stumble, that we won't show that love or that kindness to that difficult person at times, but when we do slip and we do fail in this area concerning difficult people, we turn to the Lord, we ask for forgiveness and we seek to start loving that person. So what are some practical ways, then, that we can show grace to difficult people? Well, first and foremost, pray for them, and also, while you're praying for that person, pray for your own heart as well. Matthew 5, 44,. Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. There's not a more difficult person than one who persecutes you and that would be categorized as your enemy, and we are to love and pray for them. I can think of my own life.
Speaker 1:Many years ago, there was somebody that was, I would say, a very difficult person for me, and it was a challenge to be around this person I would prefer to avoid, and I knew that this person had something against me, didn't like me, and I could feel it, and it bothered me a lot, and so I began to start harboring my own kind of resentment and bitterness towards a person, and it started to affect me a lot, and so one thing I ended up committing to do instead of avoiding the person, instead of thinking bad thoughts about the person, instead of just again letting my mind do all kinds of crazy things, I committed to pray for that person by name and, I'll be honest, I did not like that person. I struggled to be around in every way. So I started praying for that person, not just generally but by name. And as I began to pray for this person by name, something began to change, and it wasn't that person, it was me. The prayer for that person began to change my attitude and again I started to see that person more through the lens of how God sees that person and my heart grew compassionate and I wasn't holding on to past offenses or why that person may or may not have liked me. I began to care for that person through praying for them and it wasn't easy and I think I begrudgingly began praying for that person, but I knew that it was the right thing to do so.
Speaker 1:One of the practical ways to show grace to difficult people is to pray for them. One of the elders in my church has always said that the greatest place for someone to be is in your prayers. I think it's so valuable and so important to do that. The second practical way is to practice patience and self-control. Easier said than done, right, I know with me it's very easy to just kind of be quick with my tongue or in my attitudes, but to practice patience and self-control. Proverbs 15.1,. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger, and so we want to think again.
Speaker 1:With difficult people, we want to be more focused on responding than reacting. Difficult people can oftentimes trigger reactions out of us, and we want to be patient. We want to be self-controlled, it is right, and there is a time to respond, but we don't want to be reacting to people that seem to trigger us to push our buttons. We need to, in a sense, rise above that. Also, we need to be setting emotional and mental boundaries without our bitterness. We don't just cut somebody off out of bitterness or spite, but it might be good to not allow someone to rent so much space in our head. So set these boundaries that you might need to do for your own sake to safeguard yourself concerning difficult people.
Speaker 1:A third practical way that we can show grace is listen with compassion. Sometimes we think someone's difficult because we don't understand them, or we have drawn conclusions that might not be accurate or true, and so sometimes we need to be mindful and listen with compassion, understanding that other person's perspective. I don't know how many times that I have witnessed in the church and just with relationships in general, that so much can be resolved by actually just sitting down and having a conversation, getting over that initial discomfort or awkwardness to hash out an issue or to gain perspective. And so this is where we would just listen to others with compassion. This also means that while someone else is speaking, maybe we're talking to that difficult person. We're actually listening to them and not formulating what we're going to say next, and I know I'm guilty of this. I'm more hearing words and thinking about what I'm going to say next and how to respond than I am actually listening with compassion. And so, again, let's not jump to conclusions before we can understand their perspective.
Speaker 1:I remember a favorite book of mine. I think it was in the seventh grade that we had to read. It was To Kill a Mockingbird, grade that we had to read. It was To Kill a Mockingbird, and there's Scout and Atticus Fench. And then there's this awkward character that you know nobody really knows about, but his name's Boo Radley, and Scout is asking her father, atticus, about him and he says to young Scout something along the lines of never judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes and you've gotten into their skin and you know what it's like. And I think one of the ways in which we can again develop compassion for people that are difficult is to seek to understand where they're coming from and try to walk a mile in their shoes. What's their life been like, what's maybe some causes or triggers for the difficulties that they might be facing, or what makes them difficult in your mind, and the more we can understand we might be able to sympathize mind, and the more we can understand we might be able to sympathize, but we might even be able to empathize. And so in doing that, we reflect Christ's love in how we engage with people, especially in conversations.
Speaker 1:Here's a fourth practical way to show grace to difficult people Forgive. It is simple and it is profound, and oftentimes it is extremely difficult. Forgive even when it's undeserved. Forgive even when they haven't asked for forgiveness. Ephesians, chapter 4, verse 32,. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other as in Christ God. Forgave you, think about that. God has forgiven us of all of our sins, past, present and future. God has decided in his son that he will and has forgiven all our sins. This is a liberating and wonderful truth and this is what we are to do and this is how we are to engage with others, forgiving one another even when they don't deserve it, because you are forgiven and you don't deserve it.
Speaker 1:Here's a fifth and final practical way. Way that we can show grace to difficult people is extend kindness without expecting it in return. Don't show goodness and kindness to someone with strings attached. Seriously, seek to do good without any thought of a return. Selflessness, true altruism, paul says in Romans, chapter 12, again he's instructing the Christians on what are the marks of a true Christian.
Speaker 1:What does it look like? How should we conduct our lives? How should we engage with those who do evil to us? And he says don't, don't respond evil for evil, bad for bad. He says to the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink, for by doing so you will keep burning coals on his head. That is extremely hard to do. To extend kindness to those that do wrong to you, to show goodness to that difficult person If they're hungry, they need food and they need it from you If they're thirsty, that difficult person and you have the ability you need to give that person something to drink. You need to again respond to evil with good, and it says it'll heap burning coals on their head. In a sense, it'll bring conviction. It's hard to stay mad at to have offenses against kind, generous, loving people. Be a person that's easy to love and hard to have offenses against. So these are some practical ways, I think, just biblically speaking, of how we can engage and show grace to difficult people. And so then, how do we speak the truth with love to difficult people?
Speaker 1:Well, we need to think about balancing grace and truth. In John 1, verse 14, we know that Jesus came full of grace and truth. In John, chapter 1, verse 14, we know that Jesus came full of grace and truth. And in understanding this, there is a balance with grace and truth, because we can't just always allow difficult people to continue with negative behaviors. That may be so disunity, discord in the church or in relationships.
Speaker 1:People do need to be called to account, and just because someone's a difficult person doesn't mean we need to walk on eggshells around them. People are responsible for their actions, and this is where we need to balance grace and truth, and what I mean by that is we need to avoid extremes. We give too much grace. This means we're kind of tolerating negative, sinful behavior patterns. We're not doing anything about it. But we also do not want to be too harsh when we say too much truth and a sense of a harshness towards that person. Man, we can come with great truth, bombs and wound people, and we can masquerade it as well. I just love the truth. That's why I have to do this. We can be harsh, do this. We can be harsh, and so we need to understand and to try to avoid these extremes of too much grace or too much truth, tolerating sin and harshness, and find a harmony in balancing these out.
Speaker 1:Jesus came full of grace and truth and if we are to err on a side, we need to err on the side of grace. We are to be speaking the truth in love. Ephesians 4.15,. This verse tells us, rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is in the head, into Christ. So we speak truth in love to one another. This means when there is a need for correction with a difficult person, we need to do so with gentleness and with humility. Again, we can win an argument and lose a person and we've lost. We don't want to do that.
Speaker 1:We need to have wisdom and discernment when speaking the truth in love, because there is a time to speak and there is a time to be silent. We need to know when those times are. Proverbs tells us in chapter 17, verse 27,. Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Well, that's a good proverb to take, especially if you're somebody that is a little hot-headed. You maybe speak and then you have to apologize a lot. Maybe you need to again take Proverbs 17 and slow down Verse 28,. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise. When he closes his lips he is deemed intelligent man. That one can cut real close to home, even for me. So we need to recognize when to confront and when to remain silent.
Speaker 1:Another way that we can speak the truth with love is setting healthy boundaries when necessary, and I kind of alluded to this earlier, but I want to just kind of dig in on this because I think we can have a false understanding of like. Well, if I'm just loving everybody, then I could just be used and abused and that's terrible, and I don't believe the Bible teaches us to let that happen. Loving does not mean that we enable toxic behavior or we give a pass on sin or we continue just to overlook all of these offenses. Now, love covers a multitude of sins. I recognize that. But we should not allow and enable toxic behavior in another believer and calling that in the name of love. We need to set healthy boundaries when necessary of love. We need to set healthy boundaries when necessary. If somebody is always taking advantage of me after multiple times I'm going to exercise discernment and I might have to set some boundaries there.
Speaker 1:Understand Jesus set boundaries I mean in John, chapter two, verse 24, but Jesus, on his part, did not entrust himself to them because he knew all people, in a sense that people wanted to see what he could do with his signs and they were again asking him to do many things and many believed in his name because they saw the signs. And Jesus set boundaries. He at times he walked away. Other times of Jesus setting boundaries, he confronts sin, the woman at the well I alluded to her. He does not allow her to continue in her sin and being a difficult person in that way, but he confronts her sin in love Again.
Speaker 1:Another boundary that Jesus sets is that he prioritizes his mission above all things, above all things that he came to live, to preach, to share the kingdom of God, to die on the cross, for our sins to be buried, to be raised from the dead, that we might have new life and forgiveness in his name. He prioritized these things, so he had to say no to things and to people in order to say yes to this. And so, again, when we speak truth with love, let's balance with truth and grace. Speak the truth in love, and we need to set healthy boundaries when necessary. There's a time where we might even have to cut off toxic relationships because it has gone so far. That doesn't mean we stop caring for someone or we stop praying for that person, but we might need to create that distance, that time for healing and for just reconciliation, and so recognize when and how to do that.
Speaker 1:And if you are thinking well I don't necessarily know you need to be talking to other people close friends, pastors, those that are in your church community that you love and you trust, and get wisdom and discernment from a multitude of counselors. So I just want you to. Again, hopefully, this is helpful to think about. Concerning difficult people, one of the best advices that I was given early on in the ministry was be a hard person to offend. And if you are a hard person to offend it will go a long way to kind of preventing becoming a difficult person. Do not be easily offended, be easily edified, be easily built up, be easily encouraged, be hard to be offended, seek to be a person that is easy, not so difficult, and it will go well with you, it will go well with your relationships, it will go well with your church and, again, it's a fulfilling life. So again, hopefully this is helpful for you and just want to be a source of encouragement as we think through some of these challenging issues. And let me remind you what the Apostle Paul says Love is patient and kind.
Speaker 1:Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Remember. Loving others is an act of obedience and worship to God. I want to thank you for listening to the Pleasing God Podcast. If you have any questions, I would love to hear from you. You can reach out at questions at pleasinggodpodcastorg. And remember 1 Thessalonians 4.3, this is the will of God, your sanctification.
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